well I can't set my house on fire every night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
