there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
