he referred to my room as the tit cave...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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