is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
