Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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