I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize