yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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