that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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