Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
