i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I take back everything I said about communal showers
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
