when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
