My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
