That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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