Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
