i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
