I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
