just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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