if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
