i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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