apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
