Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
