Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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