Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
