the condom got lost in my hair
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
