I can text with my tongue
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
