She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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