weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
