We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
