I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
