I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
