it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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