happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
