today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
