You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
