He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
