Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
