Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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