FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
