there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize