i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
