thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
