Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
