I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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