I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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