yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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