Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
