I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
