How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize