I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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