I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
