Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
