I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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