she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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