I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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