Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
