somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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