in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
