bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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