i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
