Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
