He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
