he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
