my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
