so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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