My nipple is on Facebook.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
