im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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