So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
