I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
