Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
