somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
