saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
