Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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