Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
