dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
