a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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