I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
