I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
