Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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