I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My sheets look like a crime scene.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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