Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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