so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
