Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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