I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
