It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
