The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
